Being with myself, my reflection, makes me feel less lonely, like I have company. And I don't know how to fix it. I CRAVE them.

Feeling guilty about sleeping 12 - 16 hours and still no energy Guilty about trying to fill the numbing emptiness with food and getting so fat I hate myself Guilty for taking 6 hours just to get the energy to take a shower then wanting to eat and crawl back into bed Depression is Hell on earth, Listening to ASMR: "You are good enough.". Showering is also a struggle. I've said many times before, "I laugh, so that I don't cry. If I have anxiety over the small things, I won't have time to think about the dark thoughts that are always in the back of my mind. I don't want them to see me as broken and depressed or that I'm just being silly. When I'm awake, I live in my head, I often don't even move. Then feeling guilty and sad about that. I think we are in similar phases of our hostage negotiations with this disease. Yes, I am addicted to it, but not like other people. The struggle to eat, to shower, to clean your room/house, go to school/workplace. People probably think I’m lazy. There’s something about it that speaks to us on a very deep level. I'm 71 and have been suffering from depression on and off in my life since I was 18. no one care about me. Determine if it would be appropriate or viable to maintain a relationship with her. I have no interest in anything anymore. Everyone here is not alone, This thread is proof of it. It’s easier to fool yourself into believing the responsibility’s not yours. I don't know exactly when things started going down hill.i think I've always had anxiety and depression issues, as far back as I can remember..I must of hid it from everyone including my 20s I became addicted to meth, and men..the drugs numbed the pain, and the men made me forget.. I feel like as soon as I leave the room, they are relieved. How i wished i haven't.. That is really nice to hear. We have sent an email to the address you provided with an activation link. Yea... most people can't realize the fact depression has multiple reasons, Not just the traumatical one. Most people with anxiety/depression flee social settings and commitments. I'm glad some people can cope easier but I can't.

I never show how I feel and I try to make all around me laugh and be happy because I know how much saddens hurts. Literally. I was taking it personally and thought he didn't want to be with me. Everything I once loved to do, is now a chore that I have no energy for.

Surely theres got to be a way out. I haven't made my house proper clean in a long time and frankly, I don't believe this is achievable for me anymore. I am turning into this crazy cat lady ... at least I don‘t miss anything - I really enjoy my own company ... people empty me .

So he wrote on the report I was slicing a loaf of bread when the knife slipped. I meant that I feel emotionally stunted, like I didn't go past a certain point somewhere along the line. I know what should I do to get rid of depression, but I can't. Regardless of what you believe, we are all made up of the same atoms that cycle through. Then getting out of bed is the hard part. Now if i could just start believing that about myself. 5.

And yes, it can outflank you like a professional fighter. My story is not just my own. I cannot say things in order or make others understand what I am trying to get across. My wife often laughs at tv shows and asks why I didn’t find that funny, I rarely laugh or even find humour in anything anymore. Like something steals your soul. I like watching movies. Yet, I have an adult job.

Just my 2cents. Suffering from depression is like having a broken leg in the mind. It can be in your genes because someone was depressed in your family, it can be a random switch from a day to the other just because your neurochemical balance got broken and became a neurochemical imbalance. Scroll down to check it out. I don't have many people I trust or care for. And I mean iT. and yet, on a common sense level, I know there is good in the world. If you want things to be over, all I can recommend is cutting whatever ties are adding no value to your life or those that are worsening it – friends, family, career, location – at least for the time being. I distrust people so obsessively that my dominant thoughts while I’m attempting to be in public or even show up to work all revolve around “people are going to see me and I’m going to look stupid “ “don’t walk too fast or people will think you’re trying to compensate for something and laugh”, “ don’t walk too slow they will think you’re pathetic “. But I don't want to anymore.

Stupid.The rest of the time I'm a loud and over-performing person, an entertainer, everybody seems to be impressed by my energy - but as soon as I'm alone I feel I don't deserve love and I'm just a personage in this world but no real human being. It wasn't fair that she would have to grow up without a mom. I can't say how much longer I would have been if she hadn't spoke up. I don’t want another menial manual labor, but I want to contribute to society. In social situations, some people don't realize I withdraw or don't speak much because of depression. I need help.

I also do whatever it takes to make someone else happy, because since I don't feel happy most of the time, it just makes me feel a little better seeing someone else happy. I had it coming at me in every direction it feels like. (My therapist says that in the old days, it would have been called a nervous breakdown.) I don't ignore people and I let them know when I need alone time or if I'm not feeling well. But they are also a detachment from reality; they warp your senses and your experience of the world. Now that tops it all. And I l love him dearly, he is one of 2 reasons I still live, my dog, the other half. If I'm not at work, I just sleep. Always staying up late after everybody else has fallen asleep, because I don’t want them to see me cry. I sleep up to 15 hours a day during bad periods. after going through a huge spell of being depressed would often be giddy and homicidal for a few hours, or even days after i recoverd. I will never be enough for somebody and most everybody. I remember my days, twenty years ago, before medication and therapy well. Have a great day, Random! Don’t sweat it too much if that’s the case; it happens to the best of us. You are only worth as much as you believe yourself to be worth, and for one simple reason: You always end up living up to your expectations. The kitchen floor is all sticky. Fighting day to day with not wanting to give up and trying to show myself my own self worth.When I reach out when I'm depressed its cause I am wanting to have someone to tell me I'm not alone.

Take this time to determine what you want for the future of this relationship. Just saying. Human beings are not objects; they are living, breathing people. Becoming so depressed I lose my mind for a bit and take out my frustration from life on the people I love the most. My house is a bear's den; I don't clean and I don't hoover it like, ever, because I don't have the energy for that. I relate to so many of these. Feeling so unsteady that I'm going to fall every time I turn around to rinse my hair. I don't deserve being celebrated. Guilt, shame, low self-esteem, & anxiety all play a role. Their friends think I am cool and easy going, always enjoy my house to hang out at. Remembering I've neglected the laundry. Something in our genes probably remembers the days our ancestors spent living as hunter-gatherers, staring out at prey and feeling the burning gaze of predators. I have times I want to avoid people, where I become very introverted, where I want to drink every night, where I don't feel like making any efforts to try to address my difficult financial situation (I can't find a good job just yet).I can't speak for everyone, but what works for me, and I think will work for some, but certainly not all others, is that I work against these things one at a time, with simple but effective rules: 1. There is abundant room for improvement in our lives and it can always be achieved... always. Spend additional time with your partner, as this will strengthen your connection. For me, specifically the things I wish people would realise are due to my depression are my apparent "laziness", virtually not keeping in touch with anyone, bad personal hygiene, and extremely bad reactions to seemingly trivial things.

I'm not sad. What Does It Mean When You Dream About Your Boyfriend? The smiling, happy, outgoing, social you. I feel dead inside. Yup. "What's wrong with me that this is not working??" "I also isolate myself even though I really just want someone around" is possibly the most accurate way someone has summed up how I feel... i want to be alone but i don't want to feel lonely or alone.

So everyone thinks you're lazy or full of it. I will tidy up my room for 10-20 minutes as I play my favorite music. sometimes for me the front gate is my enemy I just can not get out it, the world is out there. Are you sure that she’s staring at you? I hate this question. Is there just one person you can think of that does love you and genuinely care about you in your life? The second time this year, at first because of a panic disorder, now it's the depressions I slided in afterwards. I don't sleep well, and I eat very little. That constant battle royale what you have to fight against your demons. IT May take some time but iT works. I don’t indulge in any conversations because I feel like I’m forced to have these answers and response, then I feel like because my answers/responses may have a stale or immature tone Unintentionally that people think I’m lying or boring or plain dumb and any future conversations with me are pointless. That means I don't stay on top of stuff & let things slide (like house work) because I use all of my energy for what absolutely has to be done. I did poorly in school and was very antisocial in school, my saving grace at the time was Air Cadets the one place where I had friends and felt I had a purpose. Work takes a lot of energy, being happy and enthusiastic (I’m a teacher) I crash when I get home. "Choose happy." I guess I would say not to underestimate the importance of properly prescribed mood meds. I used to live with depression. Seek a doctor's advice, if you have not done so already. i am bi and still in the closet, only 2 or 3 friends know my sexuality. The Bored Panda iOS app is live! I think that's it. I can no longer look people in the eye for the fear that they'll see what I am hiding. There are people out there who can help work through a lot of theses issues, being medication or conversation, relationship or companionship. We are all trying to fight our demons on our own time in our own way.

I don't wanna exist anymore, in any plane whatsoever.